A new book argues that young people still want sex, friendship and romance as much as previous generations, but are being kept from them by technology, a dominant culture of individualism and the shrinking of shared social spaces. In Generation Uncoupled, public opinion pollster Dr Daniel Cox describes a 'social malaise' among the young and warns of an 'experience deficit' produced by what he calls 'mass social separation'.
Cox, director of the Survey Centre on American Life, coined the term 'friendship recession' in 2021 to describe the flagging number of close friends Americans had. In the book he argues that three key shifts explain the changing social landscape: the growing hegemony of technology in everyday life, a dominant culture of individualism, and the shrinking number of social spaces available to young people.
The defining trend of this century, Cox says, is 'mass social separation', a phrase he borrows from The Atlantic's Derek Thompson. Young people in the US and Australia are entering relationships later, living at home longer, going out less and spending more of their free time online. University of Sydney research published last month found that social isolation in Australia has nearly doubled over two decades and that young people experienced loneliness at higher rates than other cohorts.
Cox attributes the shift partly to structural change: participation in civic and social groups such as churches, youth organisations and labour unions is dwindling, and third spaces like music venues and libraries are disappearing. These low-stakes environments, he argues, 'balanced this drive towards self-involvement and individual ambition by encouraging people to be in service of something greater than themselves'. Gen Z's romantic lives are 'downstream' of this social separation, with dating apps absorbing a process once embedded in neighbourhoods, congregations, workplaces and extended friend groups.
Australian sociologists broadly agree that a social deficit exists, though they differ on its causes. Roger Patulny, professor of sociology at Hong Kong Baptist University, says the pandemic 'wrecked networks that were in the process of forming' and pushed many young people online. Dan Woodman, a sociologist at the University of Melbourne, attributes the shift to structural pressures such as housing affordability and the cost of living rather than cultural attitudes: 'Social life doesn't just happen any more. It's a new task on top of everything else.'
Cox singles out social media as particularly damaging because recommendation algorithms, ostensibly designed to show users more of what they are interested in, split users along gendered lines, pushing fertility content on women or the manosphere on men. The result, he says, is a distorted picture of the opposite sex that cannot be refuted without real-world experience. He describes the constant intrusion of the phone as 'attention infidelity': 'It happens in a moment, but I think the cumulative impact of this is incredibly damaging because it's constant.' In Australia, the Albanese government is pitching Digital Duty of Care laws to address such algorithmic harms.
Cox also criticises a 'culture of individualism' in which self-improvement is treated as a solo pursuit, amplified by wellness content and 'therapy-speak'. Patulny notes that individualisation once had an emancipatory effect, freeing people from tradition, but now carries the 'potential for you to become selfish', a tendency 'hyper-accelerated' by extreme digitalisation. Cox's prescription is to cultivate curiosity, grace and comfort with risk: 'If there is one piece of advice I would give to young men and women aspiring to find romantic connections, it is simply this: Hang out more often with your friends offline in ways that maximise the potential for unpredictable outcomes.'
Analysis
Why This Matters
- Young Australians are forming relationships later and experiencing loneliness at higher rates than other age groups, with the new book placing those trends in a broader social and technological context.
- The book's diagnosis is directly relevant to Australian policy, where the Albanese government is proposing Digital Duty of Care laws targeting the algorithmic harms Cox describes.
- Cox argues that rebuilding low-stakes offline social spaces and tolerating risk are central to addressing the 'experience deficit', a message aimed at communities, institutions and young people themselves.
Background
Generation Z, roughly those born from the late 1990s to the early 2010s, has grown up with smartphones, social media and dating apps as default parts of social life. Concerns about loneliness, declining participation in community groups and the commercial dynamics of dating apps have been widely discussed in Western countries in recent years. Cox's book draws on survey research and interviews with young people to bring those concerns together.
Key Perspectives
- Daniel Cox: argues that Gen Z's romantic lives are 'downstream' of mass social separation, and that technology, individualism and shrinking social spaces have created an 'experience deficit' that makes connection feel less attainable.
- Roger Patulny: agrees the shift has occurred in Australia, says COVID wrecked networks that were forming and pushed young people online, and warns that individualisation has become 'hyper-accelerated' through extreme digitalisation.
- Dan Woodman: agrees there is a social deficit but attributes it mainly to structural pressures such as housing affordability and the cost of living, not changing cultural attitudes.
What to Watch
- Whether the Albanese government's Digital Duty of Care legislation is introduced and what duties it places on platforms to reduce algorithmic harms.
- Whether new data from Australian surveys, which last month showed social isolation nearly doubling over two decades, records further increases among young people.
- Whether the trends Cox identifies, particularly the disappearance of third spaces, prompt governments or communities to fund new low-cost social venues.
Checked
12 claims in this story checked against 1 source: 10 supported.
Show each claim
- SupportedThe book traces Gen Z’s romance struggles to “mass social separation.”Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: “Gen Z’s romantic lives are “downstream” of this social separation, says Cox”
- SupportedThe summary says Cox links young people’s changing social landscape to technology, individualism and shrinking social spaces.Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: “he argues, can be explained by three key shifts – the growing hegemony of technology in our everyday lives, a dominant culture of individualism, and the shrinking number of social spaces available to young people.”
- Partly supportedYoung people still want sex, friendship and romance as much as previous generations, but technology, individualism and shrinking social spaces are keeping them from those things.Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: “Young people, Cox says, still want sex, friendship, companionship and romance as much as previous generations. What’s changed is that these things feel less attainable or even feasible”
- Partly supportedCox warns of an “experience deficit” produced by “mass social separation.”Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: “In other words, they’re spending less time out in the world and more time living life by proxy, resulting in what Cox laments is an “experience deficit”.”
- SupportedCox coined “friendship recession” in 2021 to describe the flagging number of close friends Americans had.Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: “coined the term “friendship recession” in 2021 to describe the flagging number of close friends Americans had”
- SupportedCox calls the century’s defining trend “mass social separation,” borrowing the phrase from The Atlantic’s Derek Thompson.Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: “The defining trend of this century, Cox says, is “mass social separation”, referencing the words of The Atlantic reporter Derek Thompson.”
- SupportedYoung people in the US and Australia are entering relationships later, living at home longer, going out less and spending more free time online.Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: “young people in the US and Australia are getting into relationships later ( if at all ), living at home longer , going out less and spending more of their free time online.”
- SupportedUniversity of Sydney research published last month found social isolation in Australia had nearly doubled over two decades and young people experienced loneliness at higher rates than other cohorts.Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: “Social isolation in Australia has nearly doubled over two decades, while young people experienced loneliness at higher rates than other cohorts, according to University of Sydney research published last month.”
- SupportedCox says low-stakes social environments “balanced this drive towards self-involvement and individual ambition by encouraging people to be in service of something greater than themselves.”Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: “they “balanced this drive towards self-involvement and individual ambition by encouraging people to be in service of something greater than themselves.””
- SupportedPatulny says the pandemic “wrecked networks that were in the process of forming” and pushed young people online.Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: ““It wrecked networks that were in the process of forming and stunted people’s ability to learn how to form networks in the physical world, and it also had the effect of dramatically pushing a lot of young people online,” says Patulny.”
- SupportedWoodman says, “Social life doesn't just happen any more. It's a new task on top of everything else.”Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: ““Social life doesn’t just happen any more. It’s a new task on top of everything else.””
- SupportedCox’s advice is: “Hang out more often with your friends offline in ways that maximise the potential for unpredictable outcomes.”Sydney Morning Herald - Latest News: ““If there is one piece of advice I would give to young men and women aspiring to find romantic connections, it is simply this: Hang out more often with your friends offline in ways that maximise the potential for unpredictable outcomes.””